I have not been a good Christmas shopper this year. So far I have bought 3 items total. I suppose I just haven’t been in the “Christmas Spirit” this year. We haven’t had any snow here yet and our office didn’t put up any decorations until yesterday. I’ve been making my plans for purchases as I’ll be going shopping this weekend (after payday of course).
I’ve resigned to purchase a real Christmas tree this year, one with character. A cross between the tree from Charlie Brown Christmas and the ones they put around the department stores every year. I want a tree with character but one that still has style. We’ll see what happens when I go to the lot tomorrow. No matter how much I wish it wasn’t going to be, this Christmas is going to be as awkward as the previous ones of my young life. I figure I should have a tree to match.
I am the last one of my family who is still single. Both of my brothers and all of my cousins are now married. My singleness is highlighted every year in our family Christmas card picture. I won’t scar you with my description of the great Christmas card incident of ’08, suffice it to say that if I wasn’t so embarrassed I would submit it to awkwardfamilyphotos.com.
I will admit to a deep, dark love of ugly baby Christmas Card photos. You all know the ones I'm talking about. Bobby and Sue send you a card with a picture of their new baby and that baby looks like a character from Star Wars or Alien. You want to laugh, but you tell yourself that it's mean to laugh at babies, they can't help it that their parents genetic combination created something infinitely mockable. Well, I laugh and I can't help it, but I do feel some semblance of remorse later if that makes you feel better.
In our Christmas card picture this year I once again showcase myself as the odd duckling. My oldest brother stands with his perfect wife and their 3 gorgeous children (perfect kids for Gerber and fruit juice commercials), my other brother and his paragon and their dog (that they treat like a child), and me. ♪♫ ♪ One of these things is not like the other ♪ ♫ ♪
I’ll get to live my misery over and over when I visit my grandparent’s house for New Years while everyone asks me why haven’t I found someone yet, and am I dating anyone right now, don’t I ever want to get married? It’s a vicious circle that gives me plenty of time to reminisce on the failure of my last relationship. The breakup with a guy who was everything I wanted but he turned out to be a colossal jerk who is now engaged to his high school sweetheart. Ain’t it always the way? Girl falls head over heels in love with boy. They break up because boy is either A. a cheater, B. a loser/deadbeat, C. a jerk, or D. a liar. Girl goes back home heartbroken and doesn’t date while boy ends up engaged to someone the total opposite of their ex. It’s the theme in countless romance novels and country songs.
So, as I plan my Christmas shopping attack I also plan my way through the awkward days. I will play with my nieces and nephew, laugh joyously with the family, crack jokes, eat way too many cookies and sit very awkwardly through PDA and intrusive questions. I should probably purchase a flask while out this weekend…
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